SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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