Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
