I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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