Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
