I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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