Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
soo... how was my night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
