So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
