the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
