We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
