he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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