I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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