3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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