Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
