boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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