i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize