The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
