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The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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