I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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