I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
