I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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