He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
