she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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