his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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