70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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