There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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