One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
