Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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