Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
