But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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