evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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