I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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