kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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