So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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