I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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