My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
