My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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