You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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