Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
