i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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