last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
