I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
