We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
