when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
