And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
