and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
