I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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