I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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