If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
