I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
