Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
