I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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