Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
